Grief Day By Day: Simple Practices and Daily Guidance for Living with Loss by Jan Warner

Author:Jan Warner [Warner, Jan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Althea Press
Published: 2018-09-10T22:00:00+00:00

WEEK 25

Finding Community

Grief is often described as a walk alone, but it can be helpful to find community. Sharing, especially with other grievers, lets us know that what we think is inappropriate or completely strange is normal. However, I also found that being surrounded by grievers all the time added to my sadness. In the first year of my grieving, I decided to take comedy classes. The teacher asked, “Why are you all here?” I said, “My husband died, so I thought I’d do comedy.” I learned that community can be found in many places—dancing classes, art classes, a group hike. However, community is not for everyone. If we are isolating, is it because of grief or is it simply because we have always been an introvert?

Day One

“When silentgrief.com quickly grew to a readership in the thousands, I knew there needed to be extra support. So I formed an online Facebook support group: Silent Grief - Child Loss Support. Thousands of bereaved parents and grandparents from around the world now visit daily seeking and receiving help and support.”

—CLARA HINTON

Many grief support groups and websites can be found online. One advantage of an online community is that you don’t have to leave your house, or even your bed. When you are feeling most stuck, you can turn on your computer and find thousands of people who are also grieving. You may read in silence, or post, or reach out in different ways.

Day Two

“Your community is out there. Look for them. Collect them. Knit them into a vast flotilla of light that can hold you.”

—MEGAN DEVINE

After my husband died, I went to a group called Culture Circle. It was a gathering of people who shared poems, songs, stories, paintings, food—any art they had created. It was a warm space I went to once a month. I have never been a group person but as I passed through various groups I met people I have become friends with. My husband used to say, “If you live in your head you live in a very bad neighborhood.” I often think that I would be quite comfortable as a hermit, but the truth is, a circle of friends can lift me out of my misery and help me find moments of joy.

Day Three

“That’s the nature of grief: It’s a creature with many arms but few legs, and it staggers about, searching for support.”

—YANN MARTEL

In the first months after my husband’s death, I literally staggered all around the world looking for support. I knew I was in trouble. I knew I was saving my own life. I still stagger about, but less so. I have done what I set out to do. I have ever-increasing happy and productive moments. These coexist with my grief.

Day Four

“And it is . . . from the presence of others that we really derive support in our dark hours of grief, and not from their talk, which often only serves to irritate us.”

—H. RIDER HAGGARD

Even people who are seeking to comfort can say the most irritating things.

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